nothing - exile

To what extent is the state of nothingness the existence of the traveler - always on the outside of culture - disconnected from a former existence - perhaps, in traveling, we believe that new horizons will help us change - the reality is that in travel we are distancing ourselves from an ability to experience change; we are simply stacking upon what is already there, not changing -

Anaïs Nin: "Because if you truly wanted to change, you would not be so impatient to leave. Your mind is fixed on the departure times of cargo ships!"

exiled in thought, exiled in body, exiled in...how can one be exiled when one is exiled in something. is exile an action experienced in a singular moment or is it a process experienced over the course of multiple actions leading to an existence of disconnectedness from one's former self, one's former reality, one's previously experienced existence - is exile a external state of matters or an internal feeling - what defines the state of exile - what contributes to the continuance of exile - is exile inflicted or sought after - exile, exiled, ex...ile - that which is no longer a passage way for self travel -------========---------==========~~~~~~~~~~{________}. . . ...e

how many zombies are out there

expressions -1-2-3- temporal breaths bring about life and life brings more temporal breaths. Thus, the cycle continues until death. Where is the end and where is the start. I often think that I know, but in reality i really don't. I simply assume that a particular point in time marks the beginning of an event or the beginning of an action, but in reality the starting point, for me, is merely a point on a string of points that is merely a product of other points – single points are just as important as the sum of their connective points, but a particular point's connectivity to the world and to reality gives definition to the product/action and it is through the later that allows one to determine its value. These connective units can only exist if we allow them to exist. A failure to perceive and understand means that the thing in question does not exist.
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The point of the rambling above is to expose my thought that beginning could be the end or it could even be hidden within the middle – the point is is that I often limit myself and my understanding of the world and reality by thinking one way -
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---- now on to the real point of this post ----

on multiple occasions, from at least two people, I have heard that I have one expression, one way of letting those around me know how I feel. I thought that this was good because I was not allowing my emotions to freeze me into a state of anger, jealousy, rage, love, lust, loneliness, happiness - as it turns out, I was wrong (for me at least). Emotions are the connective pillars of society. If we were to walk around like zombies, which is the state of being that I am attributing to myself, as of late, then we will create more disconnections than connections. Disconnections are connections, however futile they may be, but the substance of life is not a life lived on one’s own; it’s a life that relishes in the mingling of breaths shared between existences. I wonder how many other zombies are out there, ones that are locked in a non-communicative state of being like me.
Funny thing is is that i am an emotional being.
I am not a zombie.
So, from here forth, I will try to expose the hidden emotional side of myself in an effort to energize my connections with those around me, but I must say that I have acquired a taste for brain soup, so shaking my zombie like behaviors might be more difficult than imagined. :Cd

a Start

This is sure to be an interesting adventure into the makeup of my mind. My objective is subjective in nature in that I desire to expose my thoughts, my perceptions, my understanding of the world I experience. The trick here will be to not only see, but to feel, hear, smell, and taste reality as it is and not as I think it should be. Maybe, more importantly, the trick is to stay in the present moment in order to maintain awareness of my unfolding reality. Wrapped up in the process of an unfolding reality is a constructive process that is influenced by me and those within my social sphere, as well as those outside of my social sphere. To tease your taste buds with the sweet nectar of actor network theory, visit Bruno Latour's website (http://www.bruno-latour.fr/index.html) or browse the internet for actor network theory. Be advised, the thoughts placed in this blog do not necessarily adhere to the theory of actor networks, but this theory (as much of it that I can understand) has influenced my thought process.

How I currently define world and reality --

• world: the physical aspects that one comes into contact with: people, things, objects, ideas presented by another person (ideas in this sense are related to way others perceive the world)
• reality: the psychological aspects of one's world; the thoughts and feels one develops from experience the physical world

As I see it, experiential awareness is not simply about using one's senses in order to psychologically perceive the world (to create one's reality). Experiential awareness is a method of acknowledging, processing, and, hopefully, understanding one's sensual experience with the world in order to open one's mind with respects of creating a reality that fits. A reality that fits should not be like a pair of shoes that are rarely, if ever, shared with another person. Instead, a reality that fits should resemble a flower floating on the surface of a lake. The flower's stem is submerged in the water and is connected with every aspect of the water. However, the flower's petals distinguish themselves by floating gracefully on the surface. In this sense, each individual is unique and beautiful; however, we live within the social world and create social realities that are molded off of our personal world and personal reality. The question that arises is not which shapes which, but, rather, how does one interpret and incorporate one into the other.

Questions are welcomed, so please ask whatever comes to mind. This blog is a process in as much as it is a end product.