tears that smile - smiles that cry: mundane aspects of life that entice an emotional response

Blind Man waiting for a Bus

while exiting a bus with a professor of mine we walked by a blind man standing in the street where the buses pull up, park, let out passengers, and new ones climb on. my professor said something to him as we passed, but due to my inability to speak the language i was left wondering - wondering how a system that does not seem to fully support people with disabilities would board the correct bus - if i were blind and standing in the middle of the street that is basically an outside bus terminal, my thoughts might be something like this ____ what is it, where is it, who are you; whistling around i hear steps but no one stops, not even a hey you are not on the curb or bus number, what bus number do you need - i would love to get home, but a simple hello would even do - what's this somebody said something to me, what was that i did not quite hear, can you see that i'm standing in the middle of a busy bus terminal with people walking all around or are you blind to, i know i can do this on my own because i have done it so many times before, but do you know, do you care - oh, that must be it, you must be blind like the everyone else that has passed me, your eyes only see what they want to see, which is the difference between you and me: my eyes don't see anything that i want to see.

tears that smile - smiles that cry: mundane aspects of life that entice an emotional response

the place to start is unclear because this idea did not start in the moment of this writing, nor did it develop from one singular event - this idea is something that started long ago, perhaps it first originated from a distant ancestor of mine who transferred it through the generations and now to me, or maybe it was a close friend who planted this thought in my mind; there is no sure way to know - the important thing is moving from this point onward - therefore, this will be the start of sharing the experiences my life passes through (one important point to add is that the process of passing through something is not like the process of walking through a tunnel or a doorway; there is no starting point and there is no end point, so passing through is not quite the right expression, but it will do for now).

short notes:

- blind bts

- student pineapple

- child POMELO (Som-oh)

expressions

not having even the slightest grasp of language propels me into a languid state of expressionless pain - something that is lacking in something should not hurt, but i twist and contort my mind until it lashes back and all but shuts down - i'm still processing, but the processing does not surface because the artifacts of my mind have been buried in the cloud of disconnection - is there a way out or is am i trapped inside this state of mind - but it stands to be questioned that if something is buried in a cloud it must be free to move from one state to another -

just a splattering of words