somewhere in between

people say, she came here - she is this, but others say, she is from there - she is this...

"No, I'm neither one. I'm somewhere in between. That 'somewhere in between' they can't understand."

Who stands here and who stands there

This is not meant to be a foundation by which tides will flow or from which intentions will stem or will be stemmed. Instead, this is meant to be a starting point for a process of venture. Inevitably, waves will roll from this movement to the next and either sputter out or synergistically compound upon one another until the movement has either become common place or wildly out-of-hand. In this depressive state that consumes my worst and best intentions, I’ve found a reality unbeknownst to most. Within this reality I’ve built the belief that this state-of-being is not simply unknown, but subjected to more of a repressed and unacknowledged position in life. The tendency here is to remain aloof and maintain semblances of an unfractured life. But the reality of a depressive state, as I have come to understand it, is that it does not have to be separated out as the antithesis of living, nor does it have to be an experience that is fractured from all others. Depression is a state of being that should be incorporated into existence as it is lived and not as an unwanted gift that screams, just out of reach, from the back of the top shelf of a closet that hardly experiences the rush of fresh air. I tired, just as much as you told me, to move on, to get over it, to simply put this all behind me. But, this is not my nature – this is not my process of living. In order for me to breathe fresh air I must fully experience this depressive state of being both from the outside and from the inside. So, please do not spare me by holding back your thoughts - pierce through the dense fog that surrounds me and I will hatch through the dense jungle that consumes me and we will meet at a point somewhere in-between here and there. What we must figure out now is who stands here and who stands there.